Flirting with Yes. A July Affair.

IMG_8772Yes to last minute invites. Yes to staying up late. Yes to pouring my heart out to people I barely knew. And crying out loud for the miracles along my path. Yes to letting my new friends see me stumble after three glasses of wine. Yes to connecting. Yes to not knowing what to do when connecting. Yes to my awkwardness. Yes to a surprising touch. Yes to staying visible. Not hiding to lick my wounds alone. Yes to the camera capturing all of my imperfections. Yes to building memories unplanned. Yes to the choice to live a life with courage moment to moment.

TIMELESS

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Follow the lights.
At the end of the hall you will find a table for five.
On a Friday night, a couple plus two besties plus one
gather to dine with a Cool Cat. Oh the wit!
“Excuse me, these brussel sprouts, are they fried?” Laughter.

Sip on the happy/sad cocktail. Sip on the Lager.
Cheers to fried artichokes, piccata and olives.
It stopped pouring out. Scattered lightning highlights the sky.
To the background of streets that glisten We say goodbye.
A timeless evening, this first of July.

God Said Hello.

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This morning as I waited for the bus. The music pulled me in. About twenty people singing in a circle. Wind instruments. Tambourines. As I listened she walked up to me. A missionary. A Catholic one at that. A rare occurrence. Not to convert me. Though there would have been nothing to convert. Her message: “Eres amada. No estas sola.” I smile. Deeply. I know. July 2nd. 

123A Central Park Occurrence

There they were. On a picture perfect day. All smiles. All Ready. For an assortment of bites.
Cheese. Crackers. Lots of things Chocolate. A Delight. A Delight. July 3rd.

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July 4th.

I thank my lucky stars. There is a fire to my life. I pray. Yes. I AM. Independent.

Transitions

Movement. Rehearsal. Movement. Rehearsal. Voice. Text. July 5th.

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Doodles.

Fighting Work. July 6th.

Gift.

There was a boy in high school who blurred 40% of my experience. To that boy in high school who broke, nay, shattered my heart…ugh…I’m over it.

But 60% was full of THIS. Moments with her and her and other like souls. How did I ever feel so lonely when I clearly never was? The school trips, the bus rides to and fro, lunch, by the lockers, in the girls bathroom… MEMORY! Where are they? Bring them back!  That boy! That boy!

Moral of the story.

Stay away from boys with HS mindsets that “like” you. What does that even mean? Like… like like? You don’t even like YOU! Get out of my way!

I should have liked me like her and her liked me. Then. What a gift. July 7th.

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123The Box

There are creative minds who see curves and shades of colors where I see a white and black box. But I can see the box wanting to be a curve. I’m its witness. July 8th.

Shelter

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This empty space… a sleeping space… overnight. I thank God for shelter. I bless them who come to seek it. I know struggle but how lucky have I been to have shelter all the while. July 9th.

Feeling Young at Midnight.IMG_9157

Shooting by some Harlem stoops. July 10th.

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The Camera Workshop.

A camera and six other people looked at me intently. Will I ever be good at this? My lip quivers. I’m barely audible. Suddenly my accent gets thick. It’s like another dimension. Everything I thought I could hide. Exposed.  This camera world. July 16th, July 17th.

Meeting the Resistance.

Being the first one to step up. Saying yes, this is who I am. I cried in front of you. I don’t know why. I thought I was in trouble. You reminded me of when I was five. Didn’t see it coming. I tried to beat myself about it. But I chose to say: It’s me. In this moment. I did not run away to my safe space. July 18th.

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Mature.

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Guest class. I felt mature today. Like I finally knew what I was talking about. For the first time. Ever. July 23rd.

Annoyance.IMG_9662

Nothing annoying about laughter. I think I found a funny bone in me. It’s little. But there is hope. July 24th.

 A Moment of Self-Reflection.IMG_9693

New York City Sidewalk. July 25th. Load In Day. A magical week ahead…

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